Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Pillars of Strength & an Admission

This is for K over at Romping and Rolling in the Rockies.
We love her and three toed paw and her Mom, KB. They are going through a tough time with osteosarcoma. We all pray that we'll NEVER have to hear those words from our Vet or our people doctor for that matter! So that being said, we love them and send them the Power of the Paw everyday! 

So now I have to reflect on my own Pillars of Strength... my Valentine's are my pups and my kitties. Without them and their constant unwavering love, cuddles & kisses, I couldn't have gotten through this past year. This time last year, I was begging my ex-husband to go to marriage counseling. He wouldn't so I finally went on my own. Ironically, my appointment was on Valentines Day 2011. After I explained our issues in the most unbiased way I could, she essentially informed me that I was in a dangerous position and she felt that my marriage was "irretrievably broken". I briefly told you all about this previously and I led you to believe he was unfaithful. I couldn't admit the truth then. The counselor assured me that I wasn't crazy. How sad is it that I needed to have someone I didn't know, tell me that I wasn't crazy? He had convinced me that I was crazy and everything was my fault. 

Because that is what abusers do. 

This is the first time I've said it out loud (well sort of out loud). Three months after our wedding, he shoved my head into the car window after screaming at me for about 45 minutes. He'd never done anything like this before. And it all started to crumble. 

I chose to focus on my dogs and training. They kept me sane. The fur babies loved me when he didn't. My parents have been married for nearly 36 years. I didn't know what to do. I'm a strong person and it still took me another 15 months to come to terms with the shame of a failed marriage- to admit to my parents that I'd failed. The money they spent on the gorgeous wedding? Wasted. The hopes and dreams that were still very much in tact on that wedding day? Broken. Any self-esteem that I'd had? Gone. 

Wasted. Broken. Gone.

Today I am stronger and happier than I've ever been. Thanks to a restraining order, I don't know where my ex is or what he's doing. As long as he leaves me alone, I frankly don't care. I maintain a strict workout program. It keeps my mind strong and my body healthy. My best friend, who testified at my divorce hearing, set me up with her husband's brother. We are dating about 2 or 3 times a week. He's my Valentine's date. :-)

I would have NEVER been able to get through this without Calhoun, Lucy, Harry and Lilly (and Nikki & Mac as well). Coming home to them every night was the only thing I had to look forward to and it was more than enough. They went through their own grief at having lost their "Daddy" but they knew I struggled. They laid with me on the couch-sometimes on top of me because they couldn't get close enough. They ran with me. They sat on park benches with me- just to sit. They protected me from every little sound. I was scared- for my life at times- and they calmed me. They were my pillars of strength.

Many times women are ashamed because they don't know what others will think. Will they believe me? Will they blame me? Will they look down on me? Will they see me as trashy? I'm overcoming these fears so thank you for reading. I hope that if you have a friend that is experiencing this, that you will remember what I've written and show them what true love can be. 

Happy Valentine's Day! 


  1. Wow, how amazing to go from relying on your own pillars of strength to being a pillar of strength for other women struggling in the same circumstance. Big boxer kisses to your for being so strong even through the hardest times!

  2. What a beautiful, important post - both for you and any other women that might be in the situation you were in. I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did but I'm SO happy that you came through it and are not only surviving - you're THRIVING.

    Thank you for sharing and please give all your little pillars of strength a hug and a kiss from me for being there for you.


  3. I has to has my mum do dis comment cuz I'll has a bunch of bleeped out words.

    Momma Heartbeat, I applaud you for having the strength and the courage NOT to take the abuse any longer. There are many woman in this world that are going through what you went through and can't leave for some reason or another. You rose above everything and you should be commended. Never would I pass judgment on anyone that has been through your situation, it happens in all walks of life regardless of upbringing, race, color, or financial status.
    You a a hero to those that feel like they can't get out. You took that step, hopefully others can do the same.

    Thank you for sharing something so personal. We are here for you as well.

    Puddles here...you knows I would has beat his ass fur you. Glad you be datin' again though.
    You knows mum has a strict workout too...ya'll is weird, just go hunt squirrels.

    Puddles....and mum

  4. Such courage and resiliency; such grace. Sending love and rottie kisses to you on this Valentine's Day!!

    -Bart, Ruby and Lisa (the publicist)

  5. BIG hug and woofs for all your "Pillars of Strength".

  6. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, but kudos for mustering up the strength and fortitude to deal with it and move on!

    Tank's Asst.

  7. Well, it sure looks like you have your very own pillars of strength there - let us add ours to yours too. Wise decisions you have made.. All our very best for your future to be happy.

    Awesome post for K and KB too.

    As K would tell us, embrace the day and live strong.

    Happy Valentine’s Day to you!

    Woos – Phantom, Thunder, Ciara, and Lightning

  8. Hugs to you and to to your clan. Thank you for sharing. My Valentine's, my dogs (and rats) actually have gotten me through these last years too. Thank goodness for those in our life who keep us sane.

    Keep on going and yeah for Pillars of Strength for all of us!

    Jen and the mostly black dog crew

  9. That must have been hard to write, but thank you for sharing. It is important for women to know they are not alone. It is terrifying to be in an abusive relationship. Sending big hugs to you.

    Mango Momma

  10. Yah, I agree with Manggo...thanks for sharing this despite of what had happen.

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  11. My goodness, Love, you've been through alot! Cheers to you for having the strength to come forward and express yourself here. This is such a wonderfully supportive community, much like those furry valentines at our feet.

    I am so impressed by you! You are clearly an incredibly strong woman with a tremendous heart. It is quite the amazing fact that the pups stay with us and comfort us when things are falling apart. While I can't speak to what you've been through, I know when I am suffering, my dogs are right there. They stay with their pack through good and bad. Many hugs to you and I really hope that your new Valentine is a good man!

  12. Calhoun, what on earth was you thinkin' roamin' da hood unsupervised??????? I don't even do dat!
    Seriously, a freakin' ticket? And da Stoopid's are so corrupt and NUTTIN' happens to them!

    I am just thankful you is okays and nuttin happened to you. I bets your mom was skeered to death.